Special Time: Why is it so Special?
Special time is a space to build a connection with your child. The goal is to remove all pressure by following your child’s lead and just have fun. Special time allows you to focus on your child and their interests, while tuning into their capabilities. Most of all, it is a much-needed excuse to introduce daily positive interactions with your child in the midst of the craziness of life.
What is special time anyway? I spend all day playing with my kids!
Special time is space to follow your child’s lead. You take out a few toys and see what they are interested in, without any expectation of directing yourself. It gives you a chance to participate in your child’s learning and development on their own terms. So try not to teach or lead and instead, join in on the fun.
Why is special time different from other play time?
Special time is different because you are giving your child space to lead the play. This means removing questions and commands from these few minutes, as questions and commands introduce direction and can suggest disapproval. Instead, fill the space with descriptions that essentially narrate what your child is doing, reflections that show you are paying attention because you repeat what they say, and labeled praise that shows your child exactly what behaviors you like and want to see more of. Remember to join them in the activity as a way of demonstrating your interest in their world.
Descriptions: “You’re building a house” or “You’re sharing with me”
Reflections: Child: “I’m making a pizza.” Parent: “You’re making a pizza.”
Labeled Praise: “Great waiting for me to sit down” or “Nice problem solving”
How long? How often?
5-10 minutes of special time will have substantial effect in managing disruptive behaviors and can help your child gain confidence in facing new situations. Do your best to keep to 5-10 minutes so you can stick with it consistently. If you stray to longer amounts of time, it will be harder to maintain. Ideally, special time would occur everyday, but we all have those days that get away from us! Try to engage in special time 4-5 times a week to give your child a dose of behavioral medicine.
Do we need to call it “special time?”
No, but make sure to call it something. It can be “quality time,” “mommy-daughter time,” or whatever else you and your child decide.. Make sure to distinguish special time from the rest of your play during the day so that it feels different for you and your child. It provides a solid boundary for the play to start and end, while also reminding you to focus on your child’s positive behaviors during that particular time of day.
What should we play with? Anything?
Ideally, you would play with creative, non-directed toys that allow your child to lead without the pressure of rules. Essentially, toys that encourage playing together. Some ideas are: legos, magnatiles, squigs, drawing, and play food. However, the main goal is to follow your child’s lead in the activity of their choice. If your child only wants to play Roblox and will allow you to join them, go for it!
My child struggles with transitions. How do we end special time?
Always utilize a transition statement that provides context for what is to come, while validating your child’s emotions around the transition. Before you finish special time, make sure to point out a few positive behaviors that made your special time so special. This positive support will help make your child more available to the change. This may sound like: “Special time will be over in a minute. I was really proud of you for staying calm when your tower fell and it was great that we worked together to rebuild it. I know moving on from our special time can be hard, but I have to make dinner. I can’t wait to spend more time with you in our special time tomorrow.”
