Making the Holidays a Happy Season for Children with Selective Mutism

Photo by cottonbro studio

The holiday season is here! While the holidays are often a time for joy and celebration, they may also present some challenges for children with selective mutism (SM). Below are some helpful tips for supporting children with SM during this holiday season.

Prepare your child, and the friends and family members you will be spending the holidays with, in advance!  

Start by texting or calling family members before your arrival to manage expectations:

• Consider saying, “Sometimes it’s hard for Sarah to talk to others, and we’re working on helping her to use her brave voice. I will let you know when she is ready to answer your questions and guide you through how to support her in answering. Thanks for understanding!”  
  

Come up with a plan for what you might say to well-intentioned family members who prompt your child to speak before they are ready: 

• It might sound like, “Thank you for asking Sarah that question! She needs a few more minutes to get comfortable so we will come back around when she is ready to answer that question.”
   

Set expectations with your child:

• Let them know that they will be practicing their brave talking during the holidays. Remind them of their incentives or rewards and bring their sticker chart. You can make special holiday edition sticker chart. Remember, that goals may change when family members are present. Keep goals realistic and attainable, without enabling.

• Show your support by using a variation of this mantra: “We love you very much. We know it can be really hard for you to talk to different people. We’re 100% confident that you can practice brave talking while we are at grandma’s house for the holidays.”
   

Get creative! 

• Consider making a brief video recording of your child saying “happy holidays” (or something similar) so family and friends are able to hear them using their brave voice. You can either (1) send it in advance and have the recipient send a video response back or (2) play it live for family and friends. 

• Show pictures of family members or friends prior to the holiday event and have your child practice talking to the pictures. Once they feel comfortable talking to the picture, you can try video chatting with them.

• Practice holiday-themed activities. For example, if you know ahead of time that your family will be decorating cookies, practice asking and answering related questions at home first (e.g., did you put rainbow sprinkles or chocolate sprinkles on your cookie?)

• If your child is ready to be a family leader, give them a job (e.g., take dessert orders, hand out presents) so they have a clear goal and can feel helpful.
   

Manage the setting:

• Introduce one person at a time, when possible.

• Arrive early– before the setting becomes crowded – to warm up. Set your child up for success by bringing preferred toys and take some time to warm-up before introducing questions and additional people.

• Work together to identify a safe space to warm up or take breaks from socializing. If you need to facetime in advance to get to know the space, make sure to set up a time to do so. Decide on a “codeword” that your child can share to let you know they need a break or need help.
  

Remember, not every interaction needs to be an opportunity for practice. There will be times throughout the holidays where you, as the parent, make a conscious decision to answer for your child for various reasons and that is okay! Remind yourself that life is all about balance: we want our children to work hard AND enjoy their holiday too!

Have a healthy and happy holiday season!