Screen Time: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
For almost every family out there, screen time has increased over the past year. With less access to babysitters and extended family members, combined with being stuck at home, many families have turned to screens for a break. Some families feel like screen time has gotten out of hand and some just want to know how to make better choices about screens moving forward. So how can you decide what is best for your family?
The Good: Screens provide social interaction
For children in the later elementary years onward, screens are an appropriate source of connection. Screens give a space to do something together and enjoy each other’s company. In this time, kids have the opportunity to practice turn taking, sharing, and conversational skills. Much of this practice is good and screens give access to other kids in a safe way, which has been an invaluable source of socialization, especially over the past year. Now that the world is opening up, we need to be mindful that these social interactions are still valuable and are also developmentally appropriate. We just also have to balance out in-person social interactions too.
Be open with your child about your concerns about time spent on screens. Validate their feelings of wanting the time they had on screens in the past year. Remember, change is hard! Instead of focusing on the time they have to decrease on screens, try to find ways they can balance screen time with other positive activities. Fill the empty space with prosocial activities that are outside with peers. If they are going to the park and meeting a friend for a playdate, there is automatically less time available for screens.
The Bad: Screens can give unrestricted access
One of the most challenging aspects of screen time is the lack of limits parents can set. Yes, there are parental controls on many systems, but kids often find their way around it and it is impossible to restrict all inappropriate content while giving relatively easy access to the content your child is allowed to engage with. We cannot control what ads will show up or what deep hole YouTube recommendations may prompt for.
Given that we cannot control it all, the #1 recommendation we have for screen time is to engage with your child. Begin with open and honest conversations with your child about what they watch or do on screens, what they like about it, and who else participates. Share your legitimate concerns. Hear your child’s concerns. Then work together to figure out what a realistic goal is for managing screen time. You would not let your child go into an unknown building with unlimited access to whatever might be available in the world and you don’t need to do that with screens either. Depending on your child’s developmental level, these conversations may result in screen time being shared at all times, screen time being monitored for inappropriate content, and/or check-ins about screen time use throughout the week. Kids love to be the experts, so ask your child to teach you how to play their favorite game. This will give you a look into what they’re doing and let your child be the teacher.
Keep the screen time conversation open. As your child gets older, these conversations will become more important and often, more complicated. If you normalize speaking about your concerns and working together to determine a fair plan around screens, you set the stage for these continued conversations into the pre-adolescent and teenage years when co-viewing and oversight is less acceptable or realistic.
The Ugly: Turning Screens Off
For many families, the transition off of screens is the most difficult part of each day. Before initiating this transition, be thoughtful about your child’s experience. Expect them to be frustrated because they are suddenly losing access to something fun and highly reinforcing. While preparing your child for this transition and repeated practice of a calm transition will help, there may always be a level of frustration around this transition. We don’t want kids to be aggressive or inappropriately reactive when prompted to turn off screens, but we can expect grunting, “that’s not fair,” and some blaming. Validate your child’s feelings and notice their behaviors. If they are able to transition and there is some inappropriate language, they still did what was asked, which was to transition off of screens. It may not be perfect, but it’s a step in the right direction. Focus on letting your child lead with behavior and noticing the positive steps.
What else should we know?
There are a few tips for managing screen time that can be applied in every family:
Establish house rules for media usage and stick to them. Among other limits, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends having no screens during meals and for 1 hour before bedtime. If you are going to have your child stick to a house rule, it is your responsibility to do it yourself as well. So, start small and limit your own screen time as you limit your child’s access to screens. It won’t be a perfect 1:1, but the more we model, the more kids learn from us and respect those boundaries.
Start addressing screens early. It is easier to maintain a set limit than to implement a new one. When kids are young, talk about screens. Talk about your concerns and the value of screen time. Set thoughtful, appropriate limits and shift those limits to meet your child’s developmental needs as they grow. This will normalize the conversation and allow your child to feel like they are gaining increased access as opposed to limiting access.
Strive for balance. We do not want to deprive kids of social relationships and complete abstinence from screens can be maladaptive as well. Instead, balance screen time with other activities. Fill free time with social activities off of screens and give access to screens once responsibilities are already completed. For example, giving access to screens when homework is complete. This leaves fewer hours to fill with screen time and makes sure your child meets their responsibilities.
Educate your child. Many parents are concerned that kids will engage in negative activities (on and off screens) if we tell them about what is out there. Try to shift your perspective to be open with your child about what is available. Of course, be thoughtful about your child’s age and what they need to know at any given time. However, if you are hearing about your child’s peers engaging with negative content or your child asks questions about inappropriate content, talk about it! You would rather kids hear about new, potentially harmful information from you than from the internet.
Screens are not the enemy. Remember that screens fulfill a lot of wonderful functions. They not only provide social interactions and have many educational benefits, but also can give parents a break. If you need a break to make yourself a better parent today, take it! Be confident in your conversations with your child around screens and the limits in place to guide that sometimes we stretch those limits to get through the day. Being flexible is also a great way to model this skill for your child.
If you have concerns about appropriate screen time or have concerns about your child’s behavior in reaction to screens, reach out to our team for a complimentary consultation call.
