Children’s emotions typically follow a curve. They are calm, until something triggers them and their emotions intensify. If the child is unable to cope with their feelings, they reach a peak emotion, which is typically when we would see them hit, yell, kick, or cry. Sometimes, it feels like you are looking at a child you do not recognize during these peak emotions. During each stage of this curve, parents can react differently in order to minimize the size of the child’s reaction and alleviate emotional stress. In order to find what triggers big reactions in a child, parents need to be detectives.

“That’s not fair!” We’ve all heard it. We’ve all said it. The feelings behind it are absolutely valid and can be difficult to manage. Take a step back for a moment and consider: what does fair really mean in your home? Like many parents, you may have been working to be equal, but defining it as fair. We want to challenge that mindset and give you tools to navigate those “unfair” moments.

Power struggles with children can emerge for a variety of reasons. These willful and increasingly autonomous moments are a normal part of development and typically begin around age two. When parents are confronted with navigating a newly willful toddler, they are forced to make tricky split second decisions as to how to manage a behavior, tantrum or big emotion. Fortunately, there are effective strategies to help end power struggles with your child, many of which can be simple changes in the way the parent views the child’s behavior.

Most adults haved learned to successfully integrate their “thinking brain” and “emotion brain” in a way that allows them to continue to problem solve in these moments. Kids typically haven’t yet mastered this regulatory capability. We have to help our kids learn to effectively integrate their “thinking brain” and their “emotion brain” when they’re experiencing big feelings.

Being a parent is hard and some moments are more challenging than others. You will have many moments you are proud of and some that make you cringe. When you feel that disdain and disappointment in your own actions, what should you do?

Kids are going to have big feelings. Whether they want to admit it or not, they still need so much help. Growing and developing is overwhelming, frustrating, and confusing for kids and parents alike, so how can you get through those tough moments together?